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extratone committed May 27, 2023
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Thanks to [an episode of Peter Kafka's](https://www.recode.net/2017/8/22/16184520/transcript-writer-chuck-klosterman-music-sports-recode-media) [*Recode Media*](https://www.recode.net/2017/8/22/16184520/transcript-writer-chuck-klosterman-music-sports-recode-media), I've just now discovered that former *New York Times Magazine* Ethicist, author of *Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs*, and longtime men's interest media-affiliated sports and music columnist Chuck Klosterman pronounces his surname *kloa-ster-men* instead of *klaw-ster-men* as *I* have been, shamefully – even within earshot of other human beings on a handful of occasions. I am willing to submit myself for punishment for these transgressions under the single condition that I be allowed to call him *Cuck Klusterfuck* the next time he ends a spoken sentence with "or whatever" in an interview – an unfortunate habit he's [maintained for years](https://youtu.be/NMzPX-MERbU). If my own byline had any pedigree in the world of literary criticism, I would now collect his penance simply by including those hateful, 90s stoner-kid buzzwords in every quote, unedited, but it most certainly does not. I've searched moderately hard for any reason to bother contributing any criticism of books or their authors and returned with very little. I've read *The Broom of the System* and *White Girls* this year, yes, but I'd have to be a [Fuck Boy](http://www.revelist.com/books/books-fuckboys-read/3289) to write anything about David Foster Wallace, and [Hilton Als’ elegant, genre-busting masterpiece](https://www.interviewmagazine.com/culture/hilton-als-white-girls) is so far beyond both my societal rights and perceptive capacity that I wouldn't dare utter a single editorialized peep about it – aside from a log line-length recommendation – even under immediate threat of certain death.
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